Weekend Awakening

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This weekend was one of those weekends that gave me the opportunity to stop and take a look at where my life is heading. Lately I have been keeping busy and going and going, and i’m starting to see that I may have been keeping busy to avoid having to make changes in my life. Recently there have been events in my life that have caused me a lot of pain and I have been at a stand still feeling very frail. I have been watching what I eat, what music I chose to listen to, what I watch on tv, or in a movie, who I talk to where, where I go, who I hang out with, and the list continues. It hasn’t been an easy place to live and I am feeling that this weekend may have been the beginning to a new awakening of myself.
What’s worse, pretending to be someone i am not, or not knowing who I am? I never stop and take a look at the past. I am always on the go, and I never really stop and take a look at where I came from. My up bringing defines me. It made up my character and my personality traits that I have with me today. There were a lot of challenges in my life at an early age, and my parents always taught me to work hard and that I could be anything I wanted to be. Today I am strong and I can take a lot of hits without the thought of giving up. The drive I have to be successful and to find my gift, my purpose, is driven by my curiosity and my determination.
The pain that I feel now, yes it hurts, and I want it to stop hurting, but just like when you are working out, which I love to do by the way, the only way you are able to build muscle is by tearing it open first. I believe that is whats happening to me now. I am feeling pain but I can grow, strengthen and change through the pain. Pain is an opportunity to break open and grow stronger at the broken places. Through this transformation I need to remain open to the unknown and the what could happen. I have to stop trying to control the outcome and let the outcome control what happens. The only way I am going to be free is if I remain steady on the light that is inside me which I chose to call my soul guided force or my higher power, my God. As long as I remain focused on him like a bought headed for the lighthouse, I can then find what my true power is and use it in this world.
I challenge you to two questions:
1) Who are you?
2) What are you meant to give?

2012 Intentions

A new years resolution is a commitment that one makes to a personal goal or to break a bad habit. I decided that I was going to make my new years resolution something personal to me, because I’m just not ready to let go of my bad habits just yet. My birthday is very close to new years which makes this time extra special to me. I really reflect on the year and think about what I want to do in the coming year. After doing some pondering, i’ve decided the best way to sum up how I want to live in 2012, is to live with more purpose and intent. I want to be more conscious when I make decisions in my life. The goals I have made for this year are more likely to be achieved if I make more informed decisions. I can no longer just hope that things will come my way, I need to put in the action one step at a time. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with achieving things, that I get frustrated and waste so much time complaining and getting more and more aggravated about the situation I created. After I’ve finished throwing my tantrum, I realize that it got me nowhere except it allowed me to procrastinate even more! I need to stop being so lazy, and drifting through life. Each day I need to take a step into my intention. I am making a commitment to myself and to my everyone who is reading this now that I am going to live each day with more purpose and intent from this day forward.

Big Changes

It’s funny how life can present a series of events that can alter your life. Life is what you make of it, and I can honestly say that I am going to make the most of it, because that’s what makes me happy. There is a big amount of change going on in my life right now. I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years, I am moving out of his apartment and moving into my own place. I also just dyed my hair back to blonde. It’s always good to change your look after a long relationship. It symbolizes a time for change, a new beginning, a new me. I feel like I am just discovering myself for the first time. I am finally figuring out what I like, what I want to do, and who I want to do it with. I don’t have to answer to anyone, and nobody will be watching over me. Who knew that freedom could feel this good. Along with this new sense of freedom comes a lot of responsibility. I’m up for the challenge though, I embrace it with courage. I’m so sick of living in fear, and today I chose to like in faith. I know that everything is going to be okay. One of the secrets to happiness is to just be yourself. By being yourself you allow others to be themselves with you. What a beautiful feeling.